He came to say he's leaving
by JulieRoxanaJames
Summary: Castiel knows he's dying. The last thing he wants to do is to say goodbye to the Winchesters without them knowing he won't come back. But it doesn't end up as he wished. Warnings: mentions of minor character death


Castiel knew this is the end. He was dying and this time, it will be for real. He got the instructions to get rid of a female clairvoyant who was helping demons. Castiel expected it would go smooth.

Oh, how he was mistaken. The clairvoyant, in fatal cramps, managed to curse him. Her curse was brutal.

Castiel had to die, slowly, painfully, in a week.

It was day 3 full of searching solutions, reading heaven's book if any of them hides a secret how to erase clairvoyant's curse. Nothing. Castiel started to prepare for death. He maybe looked resigned but inside, he wanted to scream. He was not prepared. Believe it or not, he loved to live.

But there was nothing he could do.

On the fifth day, he was decided to say goodbye to everything and everyone. He passed his angel blade on to another, younger angel and flew out of Heaven. He knew exactly where to go. There were people he had to see before he dies.

Dean was just coming out of the bathroom. He looked over the motel room where he stopped with Sam for a sleepover. His brother sleept on the couch, TV with some Spanish soap opera on. Dean sighed and took the remote from Sam's hand and turned the TV off. He was about to turn back and wake Sam up when-

"Hello Dean."

"Dammit Cas!" Dean almost jumped as Castiel scared him. His shriek woke Sam up.

"What's going on, are we going yet?" he yawned and then spotted Cas. "Cas?"

´ "Hello Sam," Castiel nodded in his direction.

"Cas, what did I say about personal space and sudden appearances?" Dean tried to calm his heart down. He had to sit down next to Sam, who was grinning.

"Did he scared you, princess?" Sam laughed.

"Shut up, Sam," Dean hissed. "Cas, why are you here? I hope it's something serious. I almost had a heart attack."

Cas looked him in the eyes. He gulped. This was harder than he thought.

"Yes, it is serious," he stated and fell silent. Dean and Sam waited for him to start explaining but the angel wasn't about to speak.

"Alright Cas, care to tell us?" Dean cleared his throat, frowning.

"I'm afraid I won't be joining you on your next hunt," Castiel said finally.

"That's it? You scared me half to death only to tell me you won't come tomorrow?" Dean asked a bit irritated.

"...I won't be joining you for...longer time, not only tomorrow," Cas glanced away.

"Why? Something's wrong?" Sam wondered. No, why he had to ask? Castiel didn't want to tell the truth. They would want to find a way to save him, do everything, even sell their souls maybe. But Castiel couldn't allow it. He had to come up with something.

"I have some bussiness in Heaven. It may take a while," he said slowly, thinking about each word.

"Okay, define a while, a week, a month?" Sam keep on asking.

"Maybe years," Cas replied.

"What?" Dean barked, stooding up. "Those sons of bitches don't have enough other angels to do the job, they have to take you?"

"This includes only me, Dean. I'm the only one who can do it," Castiel lied. " This is my chance to remedy the horrible things I did in Heaven."

He meant all those dead angels he killed. Sam seemed to understand. Dean didn't.

"Fine, you want to remedy that? Buy 'em a fucking bouquet of roses. We're talking about years you want to lock yourself up there! What about us? We're your friends, Cas! You just can't say 'bye y'all' and leave!" Dean started to yell.

"Dean," Sam tried to calm him by placing a hand over his shoulder but Dean shook it away.

"Don't Dean me, Sam! Don't you understand? Cas wants to go in Heaven, right in the maw of those bastards who tried to kill him, and stay there for God-knows how long, and be their little bitch! Why aren't you alarmed?" he searched for comprehension in his brother's eyes.

"If he says he's the only one who can do it, I believe him. Don't think I'm not pissed but what can we do?" Sam explained. "Right, Cas?"

Cas was so grateful. Sam, most of the times, had more understanding than Dean, and this was one of those moments.

"Yes," he nodded. "I have no other choice."

"You have no other-" Dean was about to yell again but then he stopped. He threw his hands in the air like he didn't care anymore. "You know what? I don't give a damn. If you want to commit a suicide, do it, go to your stupid Heaven. Leave us." He grabbed his jacket and headed to the door. As he passed around Sam, his brother caught a silent "Just like our father".

"Dean," Sam growled at him, not wanting Cas to hear.

"It wasn't my intention to make you angry!" Cas called at Dean as he grabbed the handle. Dean turned at him, coldness in his eyes.

"Oh really? I have to disappoint you, you screw that! But you're used to it, right?"he opened the door. "Good luck with your damn job."

And he slammed the door, vanishing in the cold night. The last sentence wasn't meant encouraging, and it hurt Cas more than it should. He closed his eyes. This shouldn't have happened.

"Don't take him serious, Cas," Sam soothed him. "He just...You're his friend, probably the only one he has, and you came with 'I'm going away to the guys we're fighting with and I won't come back in years'? I'm not that surprised he acted like this. And I don't like it either."

"I understand. I only wanted to say goodbye in case I-" Cas stopped before he said 'die'.

"You wanna talk about it? It's kinda crazy, " Sam sat back on the couch and gestured Cas to do the same. He hesitated for a while before he did it.

"I'm not sure what to say," Cas examined the room. They were quiet.

"You're not coming back anymore, right?" Sam's voice cut through the silence. Castiel squeezed his own hands. "This job in Heaven, it's a...one way ticket?"

"Yes."

"Cas, we can-"

"No, you can't, Sam," Cas interrupted him. "This is why I didn't want to tell you, you would want to help me. Angels have nothing to do with this. I've been looking for anything that could save me, and even Heaven doesn't know any way. I've tried but this is my end. There's nothing you can do."

Sam stared at him mutely, finally understanding. Cas gulped and lowered his voice.

"I really didn't want to make Dean upset. But this is better. I know that he would blame himself if he couldn't find help. I cannot let that happen. I'd rather die with an awareness of him being angry at me and slowly forgetting me. It would be better for me than passing away with Dean reproaching himself my death for the rest of his life. He doesn't deserve this," Cas explained. He changed his voice to more pleading when he added: "Don't tell him, Sam. Please."

Sam nodded slowly.

"Thank you," he formed a weak smile. "Do not think I won't be missing you too. It was good to know you, Sam Winchester."

"Yeah, you too, Cas," Sam did the same. His eyes were burning. This wasn't fair. Cas was their friend and now he had to go. Damn the world. Poor Dean.

"I should go," Cas stood suddenly.

"Wait, Cas!" Sam stood as well. He pulled Cas to him in a friendly, goodbye hug. He patted his back. "Good luck out there."

Cas hesitatingly patted Sam back.

"Thank you, Sam," he smiled when they pulled away. "Tell Dean I'm sorry."

Sam nodded and gave him one last encouraging smile with hidden sorrow.

And than the angel was gone.

Sam felt weird. He remained in the middle of the room for a good hour, glancing at the place where Cas disappeared. A feeling of emptiness was growing around his heart.

He had to find Dean. Who knew what he's doing.

Sam took his own jacket and approached the door. It was maybe an instinct, maybe a coincidence but when he closed the door he looked on the left side...

Dean was leaning against the wall next to the door. In the dark. Alone. Sam shrank back a bit before he recognized his brother who was now illuminated only by a streetlight. Sam wanted to ask what he's doing there when he spotted it.

Dean's cheeks were wet from tears that still kept falling. He didn't look at Sam and Sam didn't know what to do. There weren't many moments like this. He didn't say anything.

"Why?" Dean asked after a long while that took minutes. His sounded helpless. "Why it had to be him, Sam? Why they took him away? Why they always take my family away?"

Sam still didn't know how to react.

"First mum, then dad, Bobby, and now Cas? What did I do wrong? Why they keep on ripping the good things away from my life ?" Dean's voice was shaking. "I can't, Sam, I just can't. I'm done."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Dean," Sam sighed. "At least you have me."

Dean showed a hint of a smile as he wiped the tears away. "I know. Don't you ever dare to leave me, Sam, or I will kill you."

Sam looked at the sky, glad he cheered Dean's mood a bit up.

"Cas will be the brightest one of them," Dean muttered as he glanced over the stars. Sam knew Dean always enjoyed them.

"Come in, Dean, it's cold here," Sam suggested. "Cas wouldn't want us to be mournful. A drink or two might help you. "

"Doubt that," Dean snorted but went back in the room. Sam peeked at the starry sky for the last time, and with a sad smile he followed his brother to the warmth of a cheap motel room.


End file.
